Take a minute and think about Christmas, and ask yourself this question: what is the spirit of Christmas? As I have pondered this very thing, and discussed it with family and friends, often the same answer appears; it is clearly the spirit of Christ. So then we must ask what characteristics are consistent with the spirit of Christ? Often we think of things like giving, generosity, loving, kindness, helpfulness. Now let's reflect upon the attitudes of Christmas among our children in last few years, what do you come up with? I personally come up with selfish, greedy, and ungrateful. Which ironically is the exact opposite of the feelings we should be having at Christmas.
An example of this is one year, our then ten year old asked for this really cool Nerf gun for Christmas. It was all he talked about. We knew he wanted it, and we got it for him. Unfortunately, on Christmas Eve he made the mistake of saying that it would be the worst Christmas ever if he didn't get it. We were upset that he was so selfish. We spent an hour after he went to bed contemplating whether to give him the gun or not. Neither we, nor he, were feeling the spirit of Christmas.
So what is destroying the spirit of Christmas? You guessed it, Christmas lists. As soon as we start focusing on what we are getting, rather than what we are giving, we lose the spirit of Christmas.
So what is there to do? In our family, we have started a ban on Christmas lists. The question "What do you want for Christmas?" is omitted from our vocabulary during Christmas. This means that the person giving the gift has to do their research, they need to pay attention, they will talk with other members of the family to get ideas. This is the spirit of Christmas.
We first started this last year. Around Thanksgiving, we told our children (ages 14, 10, 9, and 6) that we did not want them to make Christmas lists this year. We explained that we had seen a lot of selfishness in the last few years, and without Christmas lists we hoped they would be more focused on others, and less disappointed in what they didn't get. Some of the kids were upset about this, wondering how would anyone ever know what they wanted. We instructed them that since we know each other, and spend time with each other all year, we should know what others want. We hoped that by banning Christmas lists, that we all would think more of others and get into the spirit of Christmas.
However, we also began to notice that our kids were being very stingy with their money. We give our kids a generous allowance, and around the middle of November, we started encouraging them to save a portion of it each week. But we were hearing things like "I'm just going to get (insert name) a pack of gum (or something else of little value), so I will still have money for myself." Our children had drawn out names of which sibling to get a present for, but instead of focusing on that sibling, they were focusing on how to save money for themselves. So we decided to step in, hoping that by taking away from having to spend their own money, they would focus on choosing out gifts that would be appreciated by their sibling. We gave each child an amount of money that was only to be used for that sibling's present.
Overall, the results were good. Our children had more of the spirit of Christmas last year. As we've started this again this year, the complaints have been minimal (mostly from our 11 year old. Is there something about this age?). Also this year, we have given each child money to buy presents for each other, so they've again been focused on what to get for others. We encourage them to save some of their allowance to buy for extended family and friends, but that is up to them.
Will we continue this? As for no Christmas lists, that's a definite yes. As for giving them money to buy presents? Probably not. We know that it is not the cost of the present that is important, but the thought that goes into it. It is our hope that as our children get the Spirit of Christmas, they will want to spend their own money. But as for us, we'd rather give them money to buy for each other, than to see selfishness permeate our home. We think we are on the right track!
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